Benefits of believing in eternal life

One of the benefits of believing in eternal life must be that when one is confronted (or perhaps in a position to appreciate) with a truly poignant moment, you can simply enjoy the moment for what it is, knowing there will be a never ending supply of such moments to come. The alternative is to be cognizant of the diminishing opportunities to enjoy such happiness and joy, as one progresses in an inevitable journey to a terminal and final end.

When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

Last night, Emma was sleeping in my bed due to Yayoi being out. All of the sudden, she turned to me and said "I'm said, because when I get old, you'll get old and die. Then I won't have a parent".

It's hard to know how to comfort a child when they realize that you won't be with them forever. I could feed them some sort of standard Christian response, such as "we'll be together in heaven". But I don't believe that, and I doubt that Emma would either. It is a well intentioned, but tremendously unsatisfactory answer.

I could say "we'll have many good years together". But that doesn't address the essence of the qustion/obervation: That our years will, eventually run out.

When Pandora opened the jar, many evils/pain/suffering escaped out into the world. She replaced the top just in time to prevent the last item from escaping: the knowledge of how we will die. This is, indeed a tremendous evil and suffering. I believe, if people knew this, it would be truly sad and depressing, and would not allow us to enjoy the precious time we do have on this earth.

When looking at retirement calculators, the fundamental question is: When will we die? Obviously, if we knew this answer, it would be a simple matter to know how much money one will need in retirement, and subsequently, how to draw that money down. Draw it down too quickly, and you'll outlive your nest egg, and be desolate in your old age. Draw it down too slowly, and you'll have unnecessarily perhaps, sacrificed quality of life/experiences that you could have safely partaken. Of course, the comfort is that the nest egg will be left to your heirs. But is this in and of itself a satisfactory and comforting thought? Or is it far more desirable to be around our loved ones, and see them enjoy the inheritance, and see how it would change their lives? To pursue their passions without worrying about how to make a livelihood? To make life decisions without the constraints of the perhaps mundane but necessary questions that drive most of our life decisions?

Dogs are very loving and they love you with a love that is purer than any that we will ever experience. They don't hold grudges, for not taking them to the dog park yesterday when the sun was shining. They don't nurse ill will for forgetting to feed them or cutting short their walk. They love you more than they love anything in this earth. And they enjoy each moment and day to the fullest.

They do this because they are not aware of their own impending death. They are blissfully not aware that they may experience deteriorating health as they get older. Or that their days enjoying life with their beloved owners will one day come to a final and non-negotiable end. They are happy and in the moment because they live without this knowledge.

What if we could also live this way? How would we do that? By being at peace with one's own death? By accepting that our days with our beloved family and friends will one day come to a terminal end, and being 100% OK with that?

Vampires

Is it a blessing or a curse to live forever? To die is to end relationships. With spouses, friends, children, parents. This is sad. It's not sad for the person who is dying, because they will not experience the loss, except as a feeling of anticipation. But it is undeniably sad for those that are left behind.

But if you could live forever, would that be the answer? I think no, unless everyone lives forever along with you. If you were the only one living forever, it would seem like more of a curse than a blessing. You will continuouly repeatedly experience loss, as those around you live a lifetime and die, leaving you with a void in your life.

Then, what is the answer? To live oblivious that our relationship will come to an end? This is easier when you are young. Children, or teenagers, or even young adults live blissfully unaware of the passage of time, or the finiteness of our existence. But as we inevitably get older, and our bodies slow down and fail, giving us a unavoidable reminder that our bodies have an expiration date.

What about the concept of a soul? That will live on forever? It is cold comfort for me to say that we will live on forever in some form of existence that is so radically different from our current one that it is impossible to fathom or imagine. To be told that our existence will continue in some shape or form is cold comfort. How can we be happy about or even begin to understand such a radically different way to exist?

So what is the answer? Some sort of vague notion that we'll continue an existence akin to our current one, but in "heaven"? This is so problematic that it is hard to even begin to unpack the many ways it is unsatisfactory.

I think of art as maybe an answer. It gives us soothes our minds for a fleeting moment. It takes us away from the heavy burden of a person who is aware of our impending terminal end, and gives us pleasure. This can be art as in visual art, or more often that not, music or performance art.

Do drug users manage to experience the same escape, through the injection of chemicals in their body? Perhaps, but it seems contradictory at best since the very act of consuming drugs quickly destroys all good things about their life, and shortly thereafter, brings about an ignoble end.

With many millenia of human existence, there is more beauty and art that mankind has produced at this point than can be consumed in a life time. Just as in the age of Netflix and other internet streaming, there are far more content than can be consumed by a person. It is all we can do to simply enjoy and digest the beauty that the people that have lived before us have produced. Bethoven. The great works of architecture. The commulative, layered beauty of the architecture and culture of ancient cities. Works of great literature. Dostoevsky. This all gives us solace and comfort in an otherwise unbearably depressing mortal existence.

Ping's Visit

Ping visited for the day yesterday. Officially, the order of business was to visit our last building that we still own to brainstorm strategy. We closed on the sale of our second building last week. He arrived by bus, and I worked the morning.

We spent some time visiting my newest acquisition. Then we walked up the block to visit our co-owned building. We raked leaves and cleared trash in the front, then raked leaves in the back lower roof as well as the upper roof. The lower roof of this building has several large trees that dump leaves on to the deck and roof every fall. It is a maintenance issue, as the leaves and branches clog the roof drain and result in a pool of water sitting on the roof (never a good idea).

After some physical labor (by our standards), we lunched at Rain, the Chinese place on Lark. We had dim sum. Then, we spent the rest of the afteroon and evening playing poker at Rivers Casino, in Schenctady. I ran into my old boss, who is retired and spends quite a bit of time in the poker room. We took a break from cards and got a drink together to catch up.

Card wise, I endured a long dry spell, but caught some decent cards towards the end and was up a pretty good amount by the end of the night. It was a long but fun day. The only down side was that I missed spending time with the family for dinner and evening. I didn't get home until quite late and the family was all in bed.

Showing a new unit

I had a tenant move out a week ago, after a 7-year stay at our Delaware Avenue duplex. This family had moved in not long after we bought the house, and was the first and only tenant in this apartment. She had three children in the Bethlehem schools, and her youngest is still enrolled in the high school. But she had declined to renew her lease this fall, and after some minor turmoil, moved out on her own accord.

I have been doing a fair amount of renovations at the apartment. Initially, I was thinking of just a minor spiff up consisting of a thorough cleaning of the bathroom, and possibly some painting touchup. But as the work got underway, the renovation scope kept increasing to the point where I am now pretty much repainting the entire interior, replacing a porch door, replacing all the door hardware, reglazing the bathtub, installing new light fixtures all around, and a minor renovation of the bathroom consisting of a new recessed medicine cabinet and a new light. It will be not an insignificant expense, but I think that this will allow me to attract the kind of tenant I am hoping for in this next chapter.

November and December are slow months for looking for a tenant, and in the week and change that I've had this unit listed, I have only had a handful of inquiries. I am resigned to holding on this unit empty until the new year if it comes to that, and not settle for a less than ideal tenant. In the years I have gotten into the landlording business, I have learned that a good tenant is absolutely crucial for success, and in the long scheme of things, having a subpar tenant that is available now is not a good idea.

Today, I had a pretty promising showing. And I have another very promising prospective tenant scheduled for a viewing next Tuesday. If I can get a signed lease (and corresponding security deposit and first month rent) this year, then I will consider this a success even if the new lease doesn't start until January 2019. The money will help to defray the cost of the renovation, but more importantly, I will have a dependable source of cash flow for this asset for the future. I am keeping some Champagne on ice in anticipation.

Dinner with family

Today we are past the halfway point in our stay in San Francisco. The seemingly endless transcontinental flight is a distant memory. Everyone is more than fully acclimated to Pacific Standard Time, the cloudless, perfect blue sky that characterizes "normal" weather in northern California.

Yayoi and I took all the girls, less Minjung to a city pool. Yuna and Juniper passed a "rigorous" swim test, consisting of three laps in the pool the short way, followed by a 1-minute treading session. the reward was a wristband awarding them privileges to access the deep portion of the pool. The primary attraction at this pool were two water slides. Yuna waited her turn in line to tumble down the twisting slide. Juniper is maybe slightly more cautious in her inclination compared to the speed loving daredevil tendencies of Yuna. But she did join Yuna on her second turn on the slide. Afterwards, we hit nearby Japantown for some crepes.

We initially had reservations at the Perennial, a new restaurant owned by Jiyoun and Simon's friends for dinner. But Jiyoun was still under the weather from an apparent stomach bug she picked up while we were visiting our friends in Pacific Grove, so we postponed the reservations and ate in.

Joining us for dinner at home was my aunt and uncle, in town for my cousin's wedding the previous week, but also for tonight, my grandfather and my uncle in San Jose was also visiting. I took on the task of preparing a meal for some fifteen people, plus a plethora of little people. I covered Jiyoun's kitchen with bacon grease as I embarked on an abbreviated version of David Chang's Chicken and Egg (oyako donburi).

I hadn't seen my grandfather in many years. I knew that he had moved in with my San Jose uncle (his eldest son) a few years ago. I was surprised that he didn't attend my cousin's wedding last week. It appeared that he was not so mobile and perhaps it was difficult logistically to attend the ceremony. He spent a long time in the bathroom, and left behind a soiled adult diaper, which my mom and aunt disposed of discretely.

My grandfather was apparently not in the mood to eat any dinner or cake, and spent the hours during dinner slumped on a couch, sleeping. He was oblivious to the energetic chaos of the little girls, his great granddaughters, playing around him the whole time. He declined to eat a thing, even dessert. Towards the end of the evening, he wanted to go home, but my uncle insisted we stay a bit longer so he could catch the ending of the NBA finals, game 1 (GSW VS CLE). My grandfather seemed to be expressing an interest in stopping by a yogurt place on the way back, but my uncle seemed to be saying that by the time they got back to San Jose, the place would be closed.

Seeing my grandfather and his state of health at the time of his youngest granddaughter's wedding made me project into the future to my own parents. Would they be healthy and able to attend Minjung's wedding? She is basically being raised by them in her early years. She is very attached to my mother and my father plays the part of the doting grandfather, basically unable to see her cry and rarely says no to anything.

We are in the process of buying a house in Delmar. We are very excited, and I was wondering is this our last house purchase? Would we retire here? It's sobering to think that maybe eventually, my own parents will need closer help, and would we want to consider relocating nearby to SF so we can be near them? Traditionally, the eldest son takes on the primary responsibility of caring for the parents in their old age. Certainly, my sister will have a great house for them to all cohabitate, as my brother in law has been laboring mightily to finish their dream house. But would their work hours and the demands of their own three children allow them to provide the care to my parents? How would I be able to afford the astronomical cost of living to be anywhere near them in SF? Currently, the real estate in SF is probably five to six times what it costs in Albany. It's hard to imagine a scenario where I could afford that.

Guerilla Gardening

When we lived in Brooklyn, we owned a tiny, 600 SF 1-BR apartment in Park Slope, with no outdoor space save an emergency staircase. This was one of those hair raisingly horrifying, metal staircases attached to the exterior of the building. We were on the fourth floor. Our building had been renovated to introduce an interior staircase that would serve as our way out in an emergency, but this relic of the pre-renovation condition remained. This is a pretty common feature in much of the older brownstones in Brooklyn.

In the warmer months, I would take advantage of this tiny plot of space for plants and vegetables. This space wasn't much bigger than 6 SF, if that. But to a New Yorker deprived of any outdoor space to call his own, this was very precious space.

Living in Delmar, we obviously have a little more space. But we still do not have any indoor space to cultivate much in the way of plant life. With the imminent arrival of Spring, I have been incessantly dreaming of what vegetables to grow once the ground thaw in earnest and all the piles of old ice and snow finally melt away. Our house suffers from a dearth of space near the windowsills, and this has been a source of much angst and brain wracking for me in recent weeks.

My solution was to seek out some unused, unclaimed window in my office building and appropriate it for some starter beds. I work in a very large office building, and I just realized there is an adjacent bay that is completely empty of occupants. It has a huge window, and there are lots of boxes being stored there, awaiting archiving.

My plan is to set up my starter seeds on the window sill, securely tucked away behind those boxes and take advantage of the daylight afforded by the big windows. Unfortunately, the location only gets direct light in the mornings, as it is close to due east. But this is still a palatable and exciting solution for me, one I am eagerly looking forward to executing next week. Pics to follow.